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Everyone has lonely moments in life.
But when loneliness begins to define our lives,
it causes serious problems.We compromise our
principles to try to fill the emotional emptiness.
We choose behavior that harms our health,
relationships, and finances.The consequences can
be devastating.
King David recognized that the cure for
loneliness lay in an intimate relationship with his
Creator: “My eyes are continually toward the
Summary:
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Lord, for He will pluck my feet out of the net.
Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely
and afflicted.The troubles of my heart are enlarged;
bring me out of my distresses” (Psalm 25:15-17).
God desires to fulfill every longing you have
for meaningful connection.Are you willing to be
set free from loneliness?
Supporting Scripture: Genesis 3; Hebrews 13:5
Key Passage: Psalm 25:12–18
1 What is the definition of loneliness?
Loneliness is a separation anxiety caused when we feel disconnected from God or other people.
Loneliness can become a physical or relational problem, but it is primarily a spiritual problem. Believers
can experience loneliness when they disobey God or go through difficult seasons of life.
Those who have not yet trusted Jesus Christ as their personal Savior don’t have the ability to genuinely
love and be loved in the way that their Creator intended for them. Until a lost person is willing to
repent and get right with God, he or she will continue to have a problem with loneliness.
2 What is the difference between loneliness and solitude?
Loneliness and solitude both can involve being alone.The fundamental difference is that solitude
is a choice to be separated from others. Jesus Himself practiced solitude by rising early in the morning
to devote time with the Father.All of us need time alone to relax, to enjoy a hobby, to reflect on our
lives, and to spend time one-on-one with God.
In contrast to solitude, which requires us to be isolated physically, loneliness is not defined by
geography but by attitude. For instance, if the one you love is a thousand miles away, you can still
experience a strong sense of connection and oneness with that person.On the other hand, you may
be in a crowded room and feel a terrible sense of loneliness.
3 Where did loneliness begin?
Loneliness first began in the garden of Eden. Before Adam and Eve sinned, they had perfect
harmony with each other and with God.When they sinned against God, they immediately felt
separated and alienated from their Creator. In their shame, they ran from Him and futilely attempted
to hide from an omniscient God.
Ever since then, sin has damaged our fellowship with God.When believers rebel against the Lord,
we lose the sense of oneness we have with Him. Does God actually leave us? No, but we can not enjoy
an intimate relationship with Him until we repent and confess our wrongdoing.
Facing Our Loneliness
Part 1
The good news is that God desires to rescue
us from loneliness. As we draw near to the Lord
and submit to His leadership, He enables us to
develop fulfilling relationships—first with Himself
and then with other people.
God can lift the cloud of discouragement
and isolation that separates you from others.
Open your heart to the Lord today, and let His
Spirit guide you out of loneliness.
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4 When does the feeling of loneliness start?
Many different circumstances can be fertile ground for loneliness.The death of a loved one often
causes loneliness. Separation and divorce may look easy, but they involve tearing apart two people who
have become one.Others become lonely because they’ve never been able to form meaningful relationships.
Eventually they decide they won’t be hurt again, and they build a wall around their hearts. Some people
are lonely because they believe they are condemned by God for past sins. Others suffer from a low
self-esteem because they feel unworthy or unwanted by others. Finally, children who are left alone while
their parents work can become deeply wounded by the acute loneliness they experience.
5 What types of roles contribute to loneliness?
Some occupations have an intrinsic potential for loneliness.The president of a corporation
works primarily alone and experiences a unique kind of loneliness as the head of the company. A
newly retired person was once an integral part of the workplace, but now he or she no longer
enjoys all the relationships that developed there. Pastors may feel that they can’t be close friends
with people in their congregation because the laypeople expect a pastor to be a perfect role model
and above common life struggles. Missionaries face similar issues and also leave friends and family
behind when they travel overseas.
6 What are the consequences of loneliness in a person’s life?
Loneliness affects people morally, relationally, financially, physically, and mentally. Someone may
tolerate an unhealthy relationship or seek sex outside of marriage in a desperate attempt to escape
loneliness.A person may expect a spouse to fulfill all his or her needs for happiness, placing undue
pressure on a marriage.Women may dress immodestly or men may act improperly to try to attract the
love they desperately seek.When people get down, they may go shopping, using a credit card to buy
items they can’t afford. Some attempt to escape loneliness by eating, not to satisfy physical appetites, but to
fill the void left by a lack of connection. Loneliness hinders a person relationally because he or she feels so
unaccepted and separated from others. Left untreated, loneliness can lead to depression, and other physical
problems.Mentally, an isolated person can be hindered by less creativity, productivity, and energy that
someone who has strong friendships. Loneliness has the potential to completely destroy a person’s life.
7 What does loneliness drive a person to do?
When people feel alone, they give in to temptations that they otherwise would resist.They abuse
alcohol or drugs.They try to escape through watching television or using the computer.They have affairs
to try to cure their loneliness, or think that if they find a new spouse, they will be happy. Loneliness can
even drive some people to suicide.
8 What is the cure for loneliness?
Since loneliness is primarily a spiritual problem, its cure begins when we are reconciled to God, our
Creator, through Jesus Christ.The lost person needs to begin a relationship with God, and Christians need
to renew their intimacy with Him.That doesn’t mean that mature believers never experience loneliness.
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Probably every person on earth will experience
times of painful isolation at some point. Our
fast-paced, independent societies are full of lonely
people.The modern conveniences that made
our lives easier also removed much of the
interdependence other generations needed to
survive. Even believers, who are indwelt with the
Holy Spirit, go through dark moments when we
feel entirely alone.

LIFE PRINCIPLES NOTES | LP 070826
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Loneliness is a painful emotion all of us
experience at one point or another.
However, if we don’t deal with our feelings of
alienation and isolation, destructive attitudes
eventually develop. We begin to feel unwanted,
unworthy of other people’s love, and unfit to
become the people God created us to be.
With all of the avenues of communication and
technology available to us today, it seems as if we
should feel closer to one another.Unfortunately, just
the opposite is true.We are less dependent upon
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one another now than we’ve ever been, which is
why loneliness has become so widespread.Although
loneliness is not a sin,God doesn’t want us living in a
state of separation from one another because it leads
to destructive consequences. Instead, He made us to
live together and care about one another so we could
enjoy His blessings.Therefore,we must consider how
to overcome our loneliness.
Supporting Scripture: Psalm 23:4; Isaiah 41:10;
Mark 10:45; John 15:1, 4–5; 16:32; 2 Corinthians 5:18–19;
Romans 8:35;Colossians 1:19–22;Hebrews 13:5
Key Passage: Psalm 102:1–7, 18
1 Recognize that you are lonely.
Many people believe their loneliness is a sign of weakness or inadequacy.We don’t feel worthy of being
loved and are embarrassed by our emotions, so we hide our true feelings. However, this is the work of the
enemy. Satan will tempt us to camouflage our sadness and disconnectedness so we don’t admit our real need.
Sadly,our denial of the problem only drives us deeper into isolation.People realize that we don’t feel right about
ourselves and respond to us accordingly.That’s why we must acknowledge our loneliness before God will help
us overcome it.We must be willing for Him to deal with the root cause of it.
How do we know we are lonely? Generally, loneliness is a feeling of hunger that food cannot fill, and
there is something deep within us that is simply not connecting to others. It is not a sin to be lonely.
However, a continuing state of loneliness makes us vulnerable to temptation and sin. Eventually we get
ourselves into trouble because we try to make friends and find acceptance no matter what the price.
And the cost is often much higher than we realize.
2 Reconcile with God.
In the garden of Eden, Adam and Eve disconnected from their Creator.They cut off the intimate
fellowship they had with God the Father by sinning against Him.This caused them to go into hiding and
avoid the one relationship that could truly satisfy their souls.The same is true for us.We were created to
enjoy oneness, peace, and joy with God; yet, because of our sin,we are unable to have the one relationship
that our hearts truly long for.That is why Jesus died on the cross.He came to forgive our sins and reconnect
us to God, opening the way for us to find true fulfillment and purpose through an intimate relationship
with the Lord.As 2 Corinthians 5:18 tells us,“God . . . reconciled us to himself through Christ.”We will
never have genuine peace until we first have a relationship with the Father.
Facing Our Loneliness
Part 2
God will forgive you, cleanse you, and remind
you that you are His beloved child. He will
also give you a vision for sharing His love
with others.
There is never any reason for you to feel
unworthy, unwanted, or unloved—and there is
certainly no reason for you to continue feeling
lonely.Therefore, allow God into your life. Obey
Him. Embrace His love. Because that’s the way
you’ll experience life at its very best.
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3 Recall the promises of God.
God’s promises are always there to remind you that you are not alone.He is with you—to help you
and comfort you in every situation.The only thing that can separate you from His love is your unbelief
and rejection of it.Nothing else—not one thing in all of creation—can separate you from Christ’s love once
you’ve accepted Him as your Lord and Savior.Therefore, obey and trust Him.
• “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, forYou are with me” (Psalm 23:4).
• “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I
will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10).
• “Remain in me, and I will remain in you . . . I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and
I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:4–5).
• “He Himself has said, ‘I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU, NOR WILL I EVER FORSAKE YOU’” (Hebrews 13:5).
4 Reach out and develop relationships.
Once you’ve been reconciled to God and have His truth in your heart, the next step to overcoming
loneliness is to reach out to others and build relationships. However, there are two important cautions.
First, do not develop just any kind of relationship; rather, build godly relationships.You must be very careful
about the influence others have on your life. If you are connecting with ungodly people, your loneliness is
only going to get worse because they will draw you further from God. However, a godly relationship will
encourage you to grow in your faith. Look for people who bring joy to your life and who teach you more
about Christ every time you are with them. Look for those you can pray with and who you can trust to
keep you accountable.
Second, seek relationships that are an extension of God’s presence and not a replacement for it. No one
except God can truly satisfy your needs.Therefore, be very wary of people who want to take His place in
your life or who want you to take His place in their life. God never intends for us to be everything to
another person.He doesn’t want us to be codependent—looking to others for our self-worth and sense of
belonging. Rather, we are to build others up by always encouraging them to seek Him. Never let earthly
relationships come between you and God.
5 Refocus your attention.
The final step you must take whenever you feel lonely is refocus your attention. Stop wondering if
anyone is thinking about you or if others like you. Instead ask,Who needs some encouragement or help today?
Who can I tell about God’s love? Follow Jesus’ example.He said,“The Son of Man did not come to be served,
but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45).Ask God what you can do for others,
and get your focus off of yourself.God put us all together as the church to encourage one another and build
relationships that glorify Him. However, you must choose to do so by an act of your will.Yet, when you
do, God rewards you by bringing you into even deeper communion with Himself. And there is nothing
that drives away loneliness faster than experiencing the loving presence of the living God.
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This is not a one-time battle. Your feelings of
loneliness may reoccur, and if you want to drive
them from your life, you must put these five steps
into regular practice.You must examine yourself
and recognize when you are lonely.You must reconcile
with God, confessing any sin in your life.You must
recall the promises of God, remembering He is
always with you.You must reach out and develop
godly relationships.And you must refocus your attention
from yourself to helping others. Because then